Okay, I know I am behind on keeping my post schedule. It’s not for a lack of trying. I find that the more I set schedules or plan things, something, a special force I call it, changes those plans. This week has been a tough one for me and I want to discuss what happened with you. I hope I reach one person today with this in mind, if you see someone you love that has been sober a bit and you notice the behaviors are different. You think , ‘Oh, wow! They will be using soon.” You walk away, do nothing. They pick up. They destroy their life again along with every person that they effect. Worse, they die and you had that opportunity to talk a few minutes with them but you chose to walk away.
Your sitting at a meeting, all attentive, waiting for the guest speaker to give that message you really need to hear for your sobriety. It has been several hours now since you walked away from your friend. This is how things played out before you went to the meeting. You were in a hurry to get home and get ready for the home group meeting and got away from Joe A. as quickly as possible. You saw he was struggling with being sober but you didn’t want to take the time to talk to him. ” He is nothing but a retread anyway.” you thought to your self. Forty minutes after you got home from seeing Joe A. You called a few other members of the meeting you attend.
Your conversation begins, ” Guess who I ran into?”
The anonymity part of the program doesn’t exist for people like you. The type of person who needs to update other members when another person is struggling. You chatted about how bad Joe A. looked. You could see that he was about to get high. You said that he hadn’t been to the homegroup in a few weeks. You feel relieved in some strange way because it was him and not you who is on the fence of sobriety. ” There but for the grace of God go I.” is the quote you end the conversation with. One hour has passed since you walked away and did nothing.
You look at the time, ” Oh my,its getting late. I have to be at the home group in 30 minutes to make coffee.” You make coffee every week. People bitch about it tasting bad, it’s too strong, it’s not strong enough, the pot needs cleaning, it was rancid. You stand there, your hand out to every one who grabs a cup of coffee. Some take two doughuts instead of the one allotted per person. ” Wow! What a greedy s.o.b. He couldn’t just eat one doughnut? He doesn’t look as if he skipped a meal. You watch that same man buy a strip of raffle tickets. ” He never puts money in the basket, where is his gratitude?”
It has been two hours since you seen your friend on the street. You know the one who you walked away from. In that amount of time when you arrived at home, grabbed a sandwich out of the fridge, got cleaned up, drove up to the meeting hall and began the coffee pot. Maybe this time it will be ready for the people coming to the meeting tonight. You have mentally judged several members who only came to get coffee and hear a lead. You criticized the guy who took two doughnuts and bought tickets.
A few of your buddies come in, you know the few that are just like you. You shake hands, tell a few blonde women jokes, and comment on a few of the new members tits, (the ones you really want to get in their pants.)
“Save me a seat Bob, I’ll get there when the meeting starts” Bob throws his hand up in recognition of the request. It is your 20th anniversary. You can’t wait to stand up to announce it. “Yea I got this now, I got twenty years. Some of these chumps can’t seem to put a year together.” For a second Joe A crosses your mind. You got sober when you turned 21years old and stayed sober. Your ego tells you “Nothing can make you want to use.” You got a few guys that you sponsor but they don’t seem to want your help and they go back out or find a new sponsor. Who needs them. If they want what you got then they would be calling you .
You never sat down with one of these guys and went through the big book with them. You failed to demonstrate how the steps worked and applied in their lives. Hell, your sponsor didn’t hold your hand or go through things with you. He had you pick him up to get some dinner at Gyro George’s where you ended up footing the bill all the time. He smoked your cigarettes constantly then got mad when you quit smoking. He was over weight , smelled of faint b.o and dirt, lived in a house that was almost ready to fall down around him. You were never invited inside.Secretly he was a hoarder. He sat around with you and talked about every woman in the room.” She looked like she sucks a good dick. I bet she likes it in the ass”. he would say and laugh. Women weren’t shit just something to clean, cook and give a blow job every now and then. There was no need to give them respect the were the lesser sex.” Screw woman’s rights and shit.That’s what is wrong with America today, a woman doesn’t know her place. You had a few fleeting relationships in you 20 year time, none lasted longer than 3 months. Word about you spread from woman to woman. You couldn’t catch a date unless you had a lot to spend. “Those women don’t know what they are missing.” you thought to yourself. Only thing changed in 20 years was your breath. Your sponsor passed away a few years ago. Very few A.A.’s came to his viewing and not two good words about his role in the rooms was heard about him as a person. He was what people referred to as an old timer but he never did much good for others. You felt a tinge of wonder as to why things were this way quickly pushing them out of your head. You were special you had the same sponsor from the time you began.
You have never heard someone say ” Wow, dude , you’ve changed a lot since getting sober, I hear some good stuff about you.” You’re never asked to speak at a meeting anymore, not in the last 15 years. “They are jealous ,they don’t have a lead as good as mine. Screw them.Your home group does things like answer the phones at the Central Office, is involved with A.A picnics and the Christmas toy give- away for kids. Some members do volunteering at the club to keep doors open along with other activities The volunteer sheet is passed and you slide it on not once putting your name down.
Being a spiritual program based on spiritual principles by working the steps one developes a relationship with their higher power doing things like making amends for past wrongs and working on defects of character. The most important part is working with another drunk or addict since addicts are found in AA also. Seeking through prayer and meditation to do the next right things. Praying for guidance and solutions to issues is one thing that people in recovery do, along with reading from a meditation book daily and taking a daily inventory to see where you fell short that day. Some join a church because that’s what they learned when they were young.
Your sponsor wasn’t into the God thing and religion wasn’t talked about or spirituality . He mainly took others inventory and passed their faults to you so you could judge them also and those were the do and don’ts. You claim you believe in God and all sorts of good spiritual things like that but your behavior dictates that you don’t have a spiritual side at all. You are abusive to women, talk about men who like men and same goes for women. You supported the hate promoted by our now great President Trump and anyone who is different than you are bad. You have racist beliefs. You dislike strong women. You prey on the weaker. You treat those with less income like dirt. You think education is for the birds and why is the government paying a bunch of foreigners to go to school. Everyone is against you and you judge everyones spiritual condition. “He ‘s not spirirutaly fit, Look at him. He can’t be sober a day right now.” You are miserable in your own skin and are never happy with what you have in life, always whinning bout doing bitch work at home and how you don’t have something. You have an aura of disgust and disdain. Few like to be around you.
The meeting is gonna start in 15 minutes. You grab a cup of coffee, go smoke a cigarette ( you finally bought a pack after your sponsor died) and with five minutes left til the start of the meeting you sit down with your two buddy’s. You are about to tell them who you saw earlier as a girl screams in the back of the meeting and starts crying hysterically. You frown up cause now the attention is shifted onto her. The secretarty walks to the podium checks the microphone and states that he has an announcement to make. You think to yourself,” Look at this chump, so self important and I used to sponsor him too.”
“I have an announcement to make and this is not a good one for me to have to do. Joe A. was found dead today about 5pm in the alley by the liquior store. He died of an overdose. If anyone wants more information after the meeting feel free to talk with us.”
” My, God! That’s the guy I was starting to tell you guys about. Oh wow I knew he was ready to use. I saw it coming.” Now the attention has shifted to Joe A’s death and no one will pay attention when you get to announce your 20th anniversary. You start to complain to your buddies.
“He was nothing but a loser anyway. Always relapsing, running into that damn center for help and then right back at it. What a waste.” you say. Suddenly your one buddy gets up and walks away. He gives the girl crying in the back a hug and walks her outside. You buddy Bob, sits across from you glaring.
“What’s got into Charlie? What is he going try to give her some sympathy dick?” you say snickering.
“Joe A. was Bob’s son and that is his girlfriend. He never said anything because Joe didn’t want people treating him special because his Dad has time and well known. You are such an ass. It’s not always about you and you might want to try to work on that.” Charlie said grabbing his cup of coffee and finding a seat elsewhere.
How many times do we see ourselves as that man who walked away and don’t realize that we were the last person that someone had to help them and we walked away Even though this was fictional we know all to well that this goes on every day. Let’s take a minute and reflect on what we can do differently. Please feel free to leave a comment